So attachment... Most parents don't think anything of it. I know I didn't until a friend of mine brought her two boys home from Haiti and blogged about it. For many of these kids that are adopted from orphanages, they have no concept of what is a mommy or daddy. Most of them have hardly ever seen a man, let alone had one hold them or give them love. Every woman they see is just someone else to meet their needs. Attachment is hard to achieve. You've got to consciously work at it. I, Heather, have been holed up here in the house for over 2 weeks trying to form a schedule and connections with each of our new daughters. For their future security and emotional wellbeing they need to begin to identify me and Doug as the ones who will take care of them. Well, we've seen a few possitive indications of them becoming attached to us.
First, about a week and a half ago, I was over at our neighbor's home checking in on Hannah and Caleb. I had Esther in my arms and Eliana was asleep in the house, and Doug was home. I decided to try and "experiment" out on Esther. I tried to "pass" her to my neighbor and she would have none of it. She wanted to stay with "MOMMY!" YAHOO!!
Second, my wonderful missionary friends threw the girls and I an adoption shower. What a blessing!!! I'll post pictures in another post hopefully soon. At first, I wasn't planning to take the girls, but after being holed up the house for over 2 weeks, I decided, let's try it. They did GREAT!! At first they stayed REALLY close to us, but then after a while, they branched out and used Doug and I both as "bases." They came back to us when they needed/wanted anything. Eliana was so cute. When Esther wanted to go see her daddy who was sitting just a little ways away, Eliana decided that she would come back to sit with me. Well, she came with arms outstretched virtually running to me. What a wonderful sight for me!!!
The third happened just today. My friend and fellow missionary Jenn had brought us pizza for dinner, but since her husband was still "working" in ministry, she had 3 out of her 4 kids and still had to go buy more cheese for her pizzas at home. Well, I suggested that she leave the 3 kids with me. Her youngest, Kendra is such a sweatheart. She doesn't like big dogs, and Kiwi, our dog is a BIG dog. Well, Kendra started to cry when Kiwi would approach and so I picked Kendra up to consol her as her good "Aunt" Heather should do. I walked into the living room holding Kendra and Esther looked up, got this betrayed, jealous look on her face and was ready to throw a temper tantrum. I explained to Kendra that I had to put her down, but that she was now safe and away from Kiwi. I immediately picked up Esther and loved on her and told her that she is MY little girl and I will NEVER leave her or trade her in for anyone else!
I think this Sunday we'll attempt the crowd at church and see how the girls do! During my research I've found that if a child is under the age of 4 before they "come home" that it only takes 1 year for the complete attachment process, if done correctly that is. So, sometime in Fall of 2011 we should be well on our way to raising emotionally secure and loved little girls.
Your last sentence before the last paragraph almost made me tear up. Beautiful to see them attaching to you. It really sounds like you are getting there with your babies. For my twins, it took one of them all of 2 minutes to decide they were going to settle in. The other...almost 5 months before the attachment you are seeing came to be. But when you see it, you KNOW what it is, and it is the best feeling in the world.
ReplyDelete